Hope for Africa 2010 Update

Hope For Africa 2010

Take a little look at what God’s been up to in Backdoor!!  Click the link above.  :)

A Shrinking Vision…

One thing I didn’t foresee before coming to the School of Ministry is that my vision would shrink! Those of you who know me well will know that in many ways I am driven and live for the vision that I believe God has given me for South Africa and beyond. Every heart beat just fans the flames of the passion I have for that nation. It is something that burns within me and just keeps growing. Fear not, I am still completely and utterly consumed by those dreams. But there is a but!

As I have come into more revelation of who I am, who my Heavenly Dad is and the extent of the Kingdom He’s placed inside of me, I have also come to the realisation that I have no right to hold that back from anybody. The next person I meet deserves it all. One of our teachers last week stated that, ‘Vision is no greater than the next person you meet.’ I do believe that when we come into a revelation of who God made us to be we will start to unleash our potential and be released into our destiny with purpose and vision. But the truth is that my primary identity is as a daughter of God whose commission is to live a life of ‘history-changing significance’. If all the Father has is mine by right – and if I am responsible to pursue Jesus’ lifestyle today – then it is indeed a very sobering thought if my ‘vision’ doesn’t incorporate sharing the Kingdom and it’s resources with the next person I meet and in every circumstance I face. I have no right to hold back what I have received! It amazes me to think that you can truly have a vision for the world – all of which glorifies God – but the truth is you can still be living with blinkers on if that doesn’t manifest into a moment by moment lifestyle.

But having said all of that, they are all just words unless I start to deliberately pursue such a lifestyle. And if I desire to see the Kingdom manifesting in my life then I need to take deliberate risks to see that happen. I feel as though I am walking in ever more freedom and starting to scratch the surface of the Kingdom that He has placed within me… and that is stirring something up in me and urging me to push the boundaries I have placed around myself and to step out. When I visited my Gran before she died last week this was my motivation. I didn’t want to just go as a Granddaughter – she needed more than that. And as I prayed with David (a homeless guy in Sale suffering from Parkinson’s Disease) today, I started to recognise the fruit of the hunger. The hunger in me is becoming greater than the desire to preserve myself. Bill Johnson states that: ‘Hunger humbles.’ I can relate to that.

No More Eagles in the Chicken Coop

I guess like so many people, there is much about myself that I have grown to dislike over the years. It’s generally not a conscious decision we make. After a few rejections, we start to cover up and hide bits of ourselves. We start to become the people that we know will be accepted, wanted or loved. But if we believe that God created us uniquely and perfectly, then we are hiding His creation. We are selling ourselves – and Him – short. As Godfrey Birtle would sing, we become eagles in the chicken coop. And that’s not what we were designed for. We clip our own wings and stop ourselves reaching the heights we were destined for.  There’s a Nicole Nordman song that says, ‘Guess it’s no surprise that I’m no Michelangelo. Every layer of mine hides a lovely design. It may take a little patience. It may take a little time. But I am starting to see me, finally! You call me beautiful. When you saw my shame, you placed me on the wall anyway!’

Bringing our thinking in line with how our Father sees us is easier said than done. But it is something I am hungry for. I know there is more for me if I walk in the fullness of who He wants me to be. These past few weeks have been a journey of discovering those hidden parts in an attempt to step into who I am meant to be, rather than the person I seem to be. God has been doing great work in my heart – particularly along the lines of coming into sonship. It is an interesting journey of not only understanding who I am in Him, but coming to a place where I believe it so much that I walk in it. To a place that it becomes who I am in every situation that I encounter. I guess you could call that place home. My prayer right now is in trusting that what He’s started He will bring to completion… because my journey home is far from finished. I know I am not really home until I can celebrate it – and celebrate who I am. And I guess it is all part of walking out my healing. I can know in that secret place who I am – but it needs to become a lifestyle that manifests in everything I do and say. In reality, there is still a chasm between who I see myself as and who I am. His Word about me is truth. God is giving me glimpses of who I am – and I am gaining boldness to walk in it.

It is a process, but I believe I can fly!

A Time to Build

God always speaks to me in way that I can understand & relate to! He’s pretty cool like that! This week it was about building!

Most of the time when we think of God building us, we (or at least I!) tend to think in terms of a long hard process of constructing something that can then be used and enjoyed. Not a process in itself that is enjoyable – but something worth the time and effort in the long run. A process of making us who we should be and improving the person we see ourselves as.  God’s been showing me that His view is slightly different to that!

One thing I delight in more than almost anything in the world is Jabulile Pre-School. A dream that God birthed in me that now stands proudly in Backdoor – a beacon to the community and a life source for 40 local children.  I absolutely LOVE it! And you know what, I absolutely LOVED every minute of the building process too because I knew what is was to become. From scraping out the design in the dirt, to the foundations being dug, to the first bricks being laid, to the windows being fitted, to the roof being constructed, to the scraping cement off the floor with a spoon, to the painting, to the opening of the pre-school and the first gradution! I have delighted in every step of the process! I would often get up early and take my tea with me just to sit and watch the builders at work. In the evening I would just go and sit amongst the building site thanking God for the dream and fulfillment. And even now, when the children have gone home for the day and the building seems empty – there is nothing I enjoy more than just dwelling in it and watching the world go by. (Much to the bemusement of others!) I don’t really have words to explain how much I delight in it.

Now with that in mind, there is something very fresh and encouraging about knowing that God is building me. There are still many stages to building – digging up to lay foundations, letting foundations settle, building up layer upon layer… and it is ALL according to the Master’s blueprint. He knows what He is building because He designed it… and He is so excited about the process of seeing us become who He made us to be. There is a sheer joy in building with purpose and then being able to dwell in, to share and use for the Kingdom. He is proud of what He has designed and delights in every stage of development. We are His purest delight. Who are we to knock that?

A small step for man…

If you want to walk on water then you need to get out of the boat.

Join me on a Journey…

In order to move forward and embrace the adventures that 2010 has in store, I must first look back. For I have come to learn that it is in the days gone by that the Lord has graciously prepared me for what is to come. When David beat Goliath & took a step towards all the promises and destiny he was purposed for, he knew 3 things – firstly, that God was bigger than any obstacle in his way; secondly, Goliath was so big that he couldn’t miss; and thirdly, God had already prepared him for the challenges ahead and equipped him with all he needed to claim God’s victories and promises. He already had the slingshot… and knew how to use it! In this past year, not a single day has passed that was not pre-ordained by Him. No battle has been fought in vain. No tear has been shed un-noticed by my Father. No dream fulfilled that wasn’t designed to be a tree of life for His glory. So for that, I have a LOT to be thankful for in 2009!

“…a longing fulfilled is a tree of life”

Proverbs 13:12 (NIV)

I can vouch for that 10x over! This year saw many of my dreams fulfilled… all to the glory of God. Most amazingly, from an idea scribbled on a piece of paper, Jabulile Pre-school is very much now a reality with 2 amazing teachers planting seeds in 40 3-5 year olds every day… which I am convinced will reap fruit for generations to come!! I honestlylove every minute of the adventure of  living in Backdoor and the relationships I have developed, and also saw amazing testimonies from our youth development outreaches… and on a less serious note I got to have 3 pet ducks (Shuey, Dewie & Duck) & I got to fly a plane!!! (Both long-time dreams of mine!)  God knows our deepest desires… even those that remain un-voiced. And our Father takes delight in giving His kids the desires of our hearts! It only persuades me to dream more and dream bigger. I think he’s up to the challenge!

“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.  Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:4-7 (NIV)

This year also posed some of the biggest challenges I have faced and some very testing times. But looking back at the year, I am just as thankful for these trials as for the dreams! I am so thankful to the Lord for teaching me to be thankful in times of trial and rejoice in the valley. He really taught me how to stand firm on His promises for me and be certain of the fact that He will always give me the strength to hold on to Him when it seems I have nothing else left. He is my testimony! I pray it is a lesson that I never un-learn!

“I cry out to God Most High, to God, who fulfills his purpose for me. ”

Psalm 57: 2 (NIV)

This year has spurred me on to push for the greater and deeper places that God calls me to be.  I know who I am in Him… and I know what He has called me for. I know that God is up to something – and that He’s far from finished with me yet. I believe there is so much more to come! I know my vision for the churches, community and youth in South Africa is from Him… and it only continues to grow and burn.

About 4 years ago it was prophesied over me that 2010 would be a pivotal year for me. And I often pondered what that would look like. It turns out that I am dedicating the first half of the year to Him – and I know He will honour that.  From next week I shall be a student of the Partners in Harvest school of ministry in Manchester, UK. It is called iDestiny – ‘Unlock Identity. Release Destiny.’ It is something that has been on my heart to do – and I know I will see amazing fruit in my own life, relationships and ministry. I know this teaching can change lives, communities and nations. It believe it is a worthy investment and will be an exciting journey as I step out in faith.

I would love for you to please join me on this journey. God’s up to something… I’d love to share it with you. And I truly covet your love, prayers and support.

A year on…

Bhekisizwe & baby Miggie

It’s hard to believe it’s been a year. But Jabul’s name and memory certainly lives on in our hearts, community and especially through baby Miguel.

Jabul’s unmarked grave in Dwaleni

Jabulile Pre-School in Backdoor

A South African Statistic

“Looking for Love” (February 2008)

“My ponderings and prayers today are focussed on Jabul ( whose name means ‘Joy’), a 16 year old girl from Backdoor and one of the kids who so captivated my heart on my first trip here that I was left in no doubt as to where I was meant to be. She is such an incredibly sweet girl & I love listening to her sing… and despite appearing timid she is a rising star of our puppet team! As a young girl she had to help her older brother to raise a younger brother and sister and an orphaned cousin so that her mother could continue to work. Then 4 years ago their mother died leaving them orphaned. Until an aunt took them in she has to take on the role of mother and today she still plays a defining role in raising the younger ones as well as going to school. She is a real inspiration to me. This week we found out that she is pregnant. And as I sit watching her playing around on the sofa with two friends it breaks my heart and I can’t help but feel that I have let her down… she is a child seeking for love and found it in the wrong place.”

In August Jabul gave birth to a beautiful baby boy named Miguel. Today the tragedy of this story is heightened as Jabul died on Thursday afternoon, aged just 17, after several weeks in hospital. As I sit in London 5000 miles away from where I want to be I can only thank God for bringing her into my life & for the inspiration she was to us all. And I can gain some small comfort in knowing that my last action before leaving was to hug her and tell her I loved her. Now my ponderings and prayers must turn to Miguel – a 4 month old orphan to add to the heart-breaking statistics in South Africa. It is easy to forget that statistics have names, faces and families. For each statisic – for each of the 1.5 million orphans, for each of the 1000 people who die daily from AIDS in South Africa, for each person untimely dying to give South Africa the lowest life expectancy in Africa – there are families being broken, children living with an expectancy that those they love will die and hearts being shattered… I know.

Dreams come true as He protects His Treasure

I think the best way to let you know how I feel about being away from Backdoor is to actually share a bit more about Backdoor & some of the incredible testimonies that I have witnessed this year… as they are the things that have changed my life by demonstrating just how faithful, loving & awesome our God really is! It’ll also fill in a few gaps from the stories mentioned in this blog previously!

So I will start once more with something that really stirred my heart – and continues to do so (see Protect the Treasure) :

“Bhekifa is another one who has completely stolen my heart. He is about 12 years old and has been at the hospital for at least a couple of months since his grandparents decided they could no longer cope with him. Tellingly, his name means ‘Protect the Treasure’. In many ways it is understandable. He cannot talk & even the nurses and doctors think he is just naughty and so leave him to wander half-dressed around the hospital grounds. Now I’m no behaviour expert, but I am convinced that with a bit of love, security and special attention his behaviour could be controlled. But for now he’s left to do whatever he can to get the attention he craves.

It would be my dream to see these precious ones in the homes in our village… and I’m holding on to that because I truly believe the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts (Psam 37:4).”

For 7 months every time I visited the hospital Bhekifa was there. For 7 months he was left to his own devices as nurses who didn’t know what to do with him just pinned notes to his back telling people where to return him to if they found him & seemed to delight in reminding him that he was crazy. The social workers were in the process of finding him a place in a special home in another province. For 7 months I slowly tried to build up a relationship with a boy so troubled that he cannot talk and seemed unable to interact with people in a healthy manner. It seemed to annoy some nurses as they believed I was simply wasting my time with him. But as we visited more frequently with various teams he got to know us & would sit with us as we brought in colouring books and crayons, stickers or puppets. He had an incredibly special place in my heart.

Around the end of March Bhekifa was no more to be found in the hosiptal and there was no-one I could ask to find ut where he was. All I could do was pray that the Lord had found him a home. A few weeks after that was our Easter conference where around 1000 people arrive from churches all over South Africa, Swaziland & Mozambique. I arrived early on the Thursday evening and noticed a boy interacting strangely with other youngsters and I could tell immediately who it was – Bhekifa! I grabbed Bheki (who was almost always with me when visiting Bhekifa) and we went to talk to the young boy with him. It was his 13 year old brother with whom Bhekifa now lived with the rest of his family!! For some reason that I still don’t know they had decided to travel from a local farm to Backdoor for the conference! And Bhekifa remembered exactly who we were. He would make signs asking if I was the lady who visited and coloured with him at the hospital. My joy at seeing him was certainly tinged with sadness as I saw the trouble & problems he had interacting with children who didn’t understand him & the pain in the eyes of his brother who had clearly had to grow up too quickly in order to look out for his brother. But that weekend his brother made the decision to give his life to the Lord, got baptised and Backdoor became their local church!! Before they left I gave his brother a bible with some scriptures to encourage him & my phone number… and a new colouring book for Bhekifa! His brother drew me a picture of the 3 of us with the Lord lookng over us & a note saying ‘Thank you for loving me and my brother’.

And the joy continues. They have since been regulars at church on Sundays and Bhekifa is almost unrecognisable!! We have prayed over him many times – especially against witchcraft, curses & abuse that people have suggested were placed on him by his grandfather at a young age. When I arrive at church he makes a beeline for me & always gives me a big hug. And during the service he’ll join in worship and dancing, interact with children and even sit quietly during the sermon. And he recognises our ministry vehicles & will run out to the road from the farm to wave at us if he sees us pass! He can still only utter a few words but I am believing for his total and absolute healing as I know that I know that I know that the Lord grants us the desires of our hearts. I simply cannot express how much that young treasure makes my heart leap with joy.

They say a picture tells a thusand words… perhaps more so in this case. This is a photo of Bhekifa this summer at a childrens party at our church in Backdoor…

“It would be my dream to see these precious ones in the homes in our village… and I’m holding on to that because I truly believe the Lord gives us the desires of our hearts (Psam 37:4).”

The miracles don’t stop there!! Without going into too much detail we recently had a meeting with the head peadiatrician at Themba hospital,together with senior doctors, ward managers and social workers who are so understaffed and overworked that they are crying for our help. They recognise the immediate deterioration of kids abandoned & left unloved. The realise the need for stimulation for kids in hospital long term. And they see the need for emergency safe homes for the abandoned, orphaned or special needs kids. And they have asked for our help!!

So from the time we return ealry next year we will be working in partnership with the hospital and local authorities to make these new dreams reality. We will be training up a team of locals to regularly vist abandoned children and give them the much needed love and attention that they crave. We will also be provided with a room in the ward to develop into a play/ education room. And we will also be working with the social workers to feed the abandoned children from the hospital into the homes in our village!!

We truly serve an awesome God & no words will ever glorify him enough for the miracles he has done. I challenge anyone to read this & not believe that Papa is faithful in giving us the delights of our hearts. It certainly challenges me to keep dreaming!!

My Greatest Challenge

Sunday 2nd November

To say that I have had nothing to talk about for the past 9 months couldn’t be further from the truth. I have been in awe of what God is doing in us and through us in Backdoor on a daily basis. The testimonies of how richly He has been blessing all that we lay our hands to are evident to see. A year after leaving London for South Africa we are now living the reality of the dreams we left with…

• 80 acres of farmland to transform into a children’s village.

• A re-vamped ‘Village fo Hope’ feeding up to 400 local kids every day.

• An education centre & pre-school to unleash the ripe potential I see in the eyes of each child.

• Amazing testimonies of the 100+ pastors who have completed ILSOM training, their hearts on the way to healing & relationship with their Daddy restored.

• Closer links with our local hospital to provide much needed love & attention to the abandoned kids.

• The beginnings of a Youth Development Scheme that aims to empower our youth to be all that He created them to be.

The list goes on… (for more details visit www.hope-for-africa.org)

But it is now that I am back in London for a few months that I find that I am facing my greatest challenge so far. A challenge to find out where I fit in to a place I once called home. A challenge to learn who I am in Christ away from a place I know I belong, away from ministry and dreams for the future. A challenge to just be me.